“A child is fed with milk and praise.”  Mary Lamb

 

“Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.” Roger Lewin

 

            I love children.  Children of all shapes, sizes, and colors.  I love the way they smell (when they’ve been changed haha), the way they laugh, and the softness of their skin.  They snuggle against you and are so warm and precious.   It is a love that is most certainly unconditional and complete.

            That said; when I was fifteen I was told I would never have one.  I remember the conversation quite well though it’s been some time.  The doctor sat me down in a small room to advise me of my condition.  My mom knew what was coming and had to leave the room she was so upset.  Upset for me, really, not herself.  She knew what this would mean to me.

            The doctor told me he understood that girls with Turners Syndrome were very maternal but I would never be a mother.  I should get on an adoption list as soon as I planned to marry.  This, of coarse, assuming I would find Mr. Right.   I was obviously cuter then.  It was like a nuclear bomb had gone off.  The realization would hit me harder as I got older, but I didn’t understand that then.

            I had just in the past year been blessed with the first of 13 nieces and nephews.  Stephani Nicole was born 6 weeks premature but she couldn’t have been more precious if she had been gold.  By two weeks old she was spending nearly every Saturday night with me, letting her young parents get out and relax.  I didn’t mind, at 14 I had no life what so ever.  

 

            My best friend April has a gorgeous 7-year-old boy, Max.  We have decided he could never be loved enough or have too much self-esteem.  He is an energetic, loving child who is ALL BOY.  I love him as much as if he were my own and am honored to be his “Aunt Shari”.  I am one of the few, to this day, that my BF trusts to watch him.

 

            I was going to be a teacher.  My love for children makes this a perfect choice.  I had to tell my mother that it wasn’t the kids I have a problem with it’s the parents.  Too many parents now days do not discipline their children, but expect the school or someone else to take the responsibility for it.  This is SHIT.  When I say discipline, I don’t mean beating either.  I believe in a healthy spanking when needed, but that is punishment, which is only a small part of discipline.

            Discipline is setting an example for your kids.  It means rules and knowing the consequences.  It even entails positive reinforcement.  This can be as simple as a sticker for accomplishing a required task or missing out on ice cream when they act out.  They need this structure. 

            I certainly wasn’t given everything as a kid.  Even when my Mom got her job at GM I still didn’t have things handed to me.  Wanting something never hurt anyone, even children.  As long as needs are met, wanting can be a good thing.  I still got a job at 16 to buy my own car, my own clothes, and any extras I wanted.  It is part of growing up.  Things certainly aren’t handed to you in the real world.

            Mom had spent a long time killing herself to get the “necessities”.  My Dad was a disabled vet and she had been bringing home maybe $100 a week for 6 people.  Now she had 1 kid not four and maybe 10 times the income.  Though life got a lot nicer, I still didn’t get everything.  They even went and adopted my cousin Mike when his mother passed.  I was a long way from spoiled, despite what my older sibs think.  LOL.

            I just have to remind everyone, giving in to your child’s every whim doesn’t show love.  It is sticking to guidelines and raising your child to be a loving and respectful adult.  Letting them learn how to be a participant in society will serve them much better in the long run that getting them those $100 Nikes every year or letting them eat Chicken McNuggets 3 times a week.

 

That’s my rant, from the viewpoint of a waiting Foster Mother.

Peace Out

           

Thank you for being Max's "Aunt Shari". He couldn't love you more! I hope that you get a foster baby soon BF. I think that you would be a FANTASTIC mother! I pay you the HIGHEST of compliments...I trust you with mine.

You are seriously speaking my mind and heart with many things you say there, sis. I am not a mother, and as sad as it may sound, right now I don't know if I ever will be. That doesn't mean that it'll never happen, just not in the nearer future, in ten years or so we'll talk about this again!;)

I've had tears in my eyes when I read your story. It must have been hard getting this news especially because I think you would make a wonderful mother and one day will make a wonderful foster mother, that I am absolutely sure of!

As a teacher in spe - highschool teacher but nonetheless a teacher - I can only say that I so know what you mean with the kids not getting taught discipline at home. Some parents seem to think that their duties end with giving birth to a child but that's not the case. Just because kids spend a lot of time in school doesn't mean that the parents are let off their duties of education. It's in Germany's constitution even...parents and teachers equally educate the children but the greatest part of educational duties sits with the parents. Many parents these days just need to be reminded of this.

Oh Shari I agree with you here. My kids are pretty spoiled but that is because Jim tries to make up for in things what he can't do in person because he works so much. Trust me though, they would rather have their dad. I have seen parents that you are talking about here. They probably couldn't tell you their kid's teacher's name or favorite color. It's heartbreaking and frustrating all at the same time. I have no doubt that you will make an ABFAB mom to some very lucky foster kids.

Shari this is so heart touching. I agree with you that it is so much more important to show a child love rather than giving them things even though I am alos a guilty one on giving my children things and spoiling them.

I hope that one day you will be blessed with a child of your own. You have so much love to give. Shari you are a great person with a heart of gold.